Exploring the Complexities of Our Disconnection from Empathy

I was doom scrolling on facebook today and I saw some pretty disturbing reactions from people which prompted my blog post today.  I saw the post about P-Diddy and how people were just throwing so much negative commentaries towards Cassie (e.g. how she is just trying to seek her 15 minutes of fame, she was a drug user, etc.) and when I switched, I read a news post about the Mother who happened to be a Veteran and her body was found in a homeless tent.  People were quick to blame her family and how they should have been there for her etc. etc. without actually reading the news!  They were triggered by the title of the post and started making judgements without really looking into the whole story.

Overworked People Make Less Fun Company

So I started really looking as to why this happens.  I propose a theory, I think people all over the world lack empathy because they lack energy.  Hear me out, it takes energy to empathize!  I’m looking back as to when I was working 16 hour days, working 3 jobs just to make ends meet and how exhausted I was.  I was always quick to anger and irritation.  I was also $60,000 in debt due to school, car (so I can work!), and credit card debt due to an emergency in the past.  I just had zero energy for anything.  My ability to feel for others really was just sapped away.  Now I imagine most people especially in the United States, having to work 2-3 jobs as the norm while also managing life’s challenges.  No wonder people are always tired! 

Can we argue that apathy on the internet is because people can hide their identities?  Absolutely!  What I am writing about today is not really about ultimates and end all be alls.  I’m proposing something that highlights a problem that I feel we need to solve as a community.  I can only make comparisons between the cultures I’ve actually lived in or have studied.  I just feel that people in the USA are angrier and more tired in general. People are less likely to hang out together because a)schedules never really sync up especially with working 2-3 jobs and b)people would rather spend their free time sleeping or regaining energy for another exhausting week.  It’s like a horrible cycle that refuses to end which leaves little room for anything else.  Imagine working your 16 hour days and someone expecting you to feel some empathy towards someone who is homeless?  There are people who can and they are saints.  But for most people, they get stuck into the mindset of “If I can do this, they can too”.  It’s like reading the headline of a facebook post without really taking into account the actual article and making a full on judgemental tirade.  People are not going to care that the homeless person has mental disorders (thinking pattern: everyone has a mental disorder, we have medications for that, not my problem) or that they have a drug abuse disorder (thinking pattern: that’s their choice, just stop doing it and get a job, someone should take care of them as it’s not my problem). 

This post isn’t about judging the people who lack the energy to empathize, rather, more to highlight a problem!  We lost the focus of creating human connections, the pursuit of our personal happiness, and our personal growth in exchange for working like mindless rabbits to make someone else money.  Our society mutated into this gross thing that puts emphasis on being a cog in a machine.  I’m not even going to touch on our focus on material things because I know people who work super hard and barely making ends meet!  This is a fallacy to shame people because they are impoverished. 

The Human Connection

Speaking of connections, here in Spain and in the Philippines, people are more communal.  People will find the time after work on a Tuesday to go hang out with friends and family.  Do these countries have problems?  Absolutely.  But the focus isn’t solely on making money.  In Spain, I’ve experienced meeting with friends on a Tuesday for dinner or meeting up on a Thursday for coffee.  We make time for things that are important!  In the Philippines, (again, a far from perfect society with glaring problems) I remember this feeling that the city is just very connected.  We had fiestas, etc. where literally everyone celebrated.  It’s very hard to feel alone.  The streets were always noisy and full of life.  It’s the only country I know where if there’s a wedding happening at the church, people literally invite themselves to go.  There’s a very strong idea of community. No matter how tired and how penniless you are, I felt that in Spain and in the Philippines, people still find the time to enjoy the company of others. 

How to Regain our Empathy?

Aside from the glaring obviousness of lifting the quality of life in the USA, we need to do a few things:

1) We need to put in the effort of actually getting to know facts before we speak

We have a problem of acting as experts.  We need to let go of this notion that we know everything there is to know in the entire universe when we are in pain.  Our truths are the only ones that matter is an idea that needs to go away.  We should seek humility because only then will we be open to other people’s circumstances.  I understand that this comes from a place of frustration.  When we are frustrated, we tend to act irrationally which brings me to my next point.

2) Pause

            It’s so important for us to just pause.  Breathe.  Before we say anything, know that your words have power.  Think about this before you say or post something: a) Is it going to be useful? B)Will it harm others?  C) Is it kind?  When you keep these in mind, it will make the world an entirely better place!  I can say that it’s easy to pause and be quiet, but I know better.  I know it takes effort!  But if we realize how our words can affect others, hopefully that’s a strong enough force to help you pause for a second. 

3) Put yourself first

            I know it may seem counter intuitive but when you are coming from a place where you know you are taking care of your body, your mind, your peace, it will be easier to feel for others.  Even if it’s just a quick 15 minute daily to do some self reflection, a gentle cranial massage, or drinking tea.  When the stress leaves your body, it can make room for empathy. 

Conclusion

I know this was a very lengthy post.  I just hope that this blog post was somewhat useful for you to regaining a little bit of your humanity back.  Just remember, we are all connected!  If you want your world to be better, a little empathy towards others will go a very long way. Feel free to post your comments below.